The Blame Game
Through a coincidental confluence of circumstances, I acccidentally shredded my debit card. I knew mine was set to expire at the end of November, and I received a new one in the mail. When I tried to pay for something on December first and the card was declined, I thought, “Oh, right, my card is expired” and activated my new one, shredded my old one, and was good to go.
Turns out, my card expires November 2025, the activated card is for my son’s account that my name happens to be on, and I entered the wrong card information for the thing I was trying to pay. My first thought? “The bank should have made that more clear when they sent out those cards.'“
Nope. The truth is, and I am sure you all see it from where you are sitting, it is completely my fault. There was more than one opportunity for me to have not shredded my debit card. But we want to place blame, don’t we?
In the musical Les Miserables (and the book, for that matter) Fantine gets invovled with a man who says he loves her but he really is just in it for the summer, and at the end of the summer, he leaves her, “with child.” It’s the early 1800’s France; this is not a good thing. She has the child and finds an innkeeper and his wife to care for the child while she works at a factory to pay the couple for the child’s keep. That innkeeper and his wife aren’t exactly the most scrupulous of people, and gouge Fantine for more money every chance they get, all the while neglecting the child. Meanwhile, the other women who work with Fantine are jealous of her, find out about the child, and Fantine gets fired on “moral grounds”. Needing to make money to keep paying for the child, she turns to the streets to earn a living. In the book, she sells her teeth. On stage, she sells what jewelry she has, and her hair (the things mothers do for theri children) and eventully, herself. This life is brutal, and it ends up killing her.
All within the first 20 minutes of the show. But I digress.
Who is responsible for Fantine’s death? The man who took advantage and deserted her? The innkeeper and his wife for demanding more and more money? The jealous workers who got her fired? The foreman who fired her? The factory owner who should have been paying more attention to what was going on in his factory? Society in general for the stigma put on unwed mothers?
Here is another one. In Into the Woods, The Baker wants to know who is at fault for his wife’s death. There is an entire song about it. The Baker blames the death on The Witch for growing the magic beans that grew the beanstalk. The Baker’s Wife gets blamed for trading maigc beans for Jack’s cow. Jack gets blamed for stealing from The Giant up the beanstalk. Cinderalla gets blamed for carelessly throwing a magic bean away and growing a second beanstalk so that The Giant’s Wife could come to avenge her husband’s death. Little Red Riding Hood gets blamed for daring Jack to go back up the beanstalk to get more ill-gotten goods. The Giant’s Wife gets blamed for (accidentally) stepping on the Baker’s Wife. And the Baker’s Father gets blamed for stealing the magic beans from The Witch and getting The Baker’s house cursed in the first place, which was the reason The Baker, His Wife, and The Witch were in the woods at all.
Did you get all that? If not, google the song. “Your Fault”. They eventually blame The Witch. “You’re repsonsible, you’re the one to blame, it’s your fault!”
People are so quick to find fault, to try to place blame, and to not take responsibility. There may even be differing degress of blame to be placed. The characters in Into the Woods repeatedly sing, “But it isn’t my fault.” Except everyone had a hand in the problem. The truth is each of us has the potential to affect everything and everyone around us. I think it is improbable that we consider how each and every action we take, every word we speak, is going to affect those around us, but can’t we do it just a little more often?
And when things go wrong, as they are wont to do, can we press pause on the blame game, and just figure out how to solve the problem?
Peace,
Kathie