The Voice

Sometimes I wonder if we are spoiling our son.

See, he is an only child. We didn’t plan it that way (best laid plans, right?) but that is the way it turned out. I’m a little sad that he doesn’t know the joy-and challenges-of siblings. They teach you so much, those siblings. I’ve explained to him that just because you have siblings doesn’t mean you are close to them. I don’t think he completely believes me.

We have done our best to teach him the things that he doesn’t learn because he doesn’t have siblings. The most important thing, I think, is how to make friends and how to get along with people. When he was a toddler, he would point to another child at the park and tell us that he wanted to play with that other child. We would tell him to go introduce himself and ask if they wanted to play. He would, they did, and they would be fast friends—at least until we all left the park. Now that he is older, he will be your friend, all you have to do is ask. Except that Middle School has taught him the hard and painful reality that not everyone is going to be your friend, and there is often nothing you can do about that. It has tempered his immediate acceptance of people somewhat.

I hope he is learning that there is a difference in being alone and being lonely. There is power and contentment in that knowledge.

I feel a certain amount of guilt that he is an only child. It makes me want to give him things. Oh, not material things. More like…..memories. And experiences. I want him to look back on his childhood and feel that it was magical. Not all magic all the time, but I want him to look back and see that life was pretty good. It is why we enroll him in karate and scouts and music lessons. It is why we searched for the most fun-looking summer camp programs. It is why we buy the large Lego sets and put them together as a family. It is the reason for the trips to Washington D.C., New York, Ohio, Seattle, Alaska, Nebraska, North Carolina, and everywhere else. For the trips to Lakeside and Elitch’s, Water World and Wolf Creek Lodge. It is why I love playing games with him, or watching movies, or geocaching.

Because togetherness is magic. At least, it can be.

I wonder, sometimes, if we are doing enough. He doesn’t get to ride horses (like I did) or ride bikes with the neighborhood kids all day. He doesn’t have a place in the country to escape to. He doesn’t spend a lot of time with cousins. He doesn’t spend all summer at the pool. I wonder if we are doing too much. I know many other kids that don’t have the opportunities he has. Is he grateful? Will he remember?

But there is this voice. I hear it. “You tell him not to compare himself to others. Isn’t it time you took your own advice?”

It’s right, that voice. We all could do with a little less comparing. It should be enough to do our best, and to be our best. and to understand that your best may change from day to day. As parents, all we can do is try to instill in our kids the tools they will need to be successful adults. A sense of gratitude. A sense of responsibility. Strength. Empathy. Compassion. A good work ethic. Their Own Voice. The ability to handle money. The ability to think. How to fall. How to get back up again. How to keep a child-like sense of wonder. At least a little bit.

And maybe how to change a tire, too.

Peace,

Kathie