Thanks For The Memories

I love my son. You might have guessed that by now.

I haven’t loved every minute of raising my son, or of being a mother. I am thankful for every experience and lesson that has come with being a mother. But loving every minute of it? Nope. I remember being told to enjoy every minute of it, that time is so short, that I will miss this. Listen, I am not criticizing anyone who happened to tell me these things, I am just saying……don’t. Please don’t.

Would I enjoy the feeling of my 4-year-old running and jumping into my arms again like he used to? Do I sometimes wish we could spend hours covering the driveway with sidewalk chalk drawings? Do I sometimes miss time with him in the snuggle chair? Sure. I delight in the memories that I have of my son and the life that we share. I am going to miss him when he leaves, it is going to break my heart. And I know that the time is short.

But. To tell a mother to enjoy every minute instills a sense of guilt when she doesn’t. Raising a child is a lot of work. When the child isn’t listening. or the baby won’t stop crying, or the parents aren’t getting any sleep. The truth of it is that every minute isn’t enjoyable. Teething isn’t fun. Sleepy, grumpy people aren’t usually much of a joy to be around, no matter how old they are. Sometimes hormones make things a bit—tense. To tell a mother that the dishes can wait…well…whether you like it or not, chores have got to be done. You might not have to do the dishes right now, but they do have to get done eventually. The simple fact is that at some point, the dishes must be cleaned, the clothes have got to be washed, groceries must be purchased. You can leave some things. Maybe instead of making the bed, get some extra time eat breakfast, discussing the upcoming day. Forego chores on an occasional Saturday afternoon to play a game or go geocaching. It’s all about balance.

Stephen Sondheim said, “If life were only moments, even now and then a bad one. But if life were only moments, then we’d never know we had one.”

I have no doubt that parents look back and wish for more time with their kids. I am not saying that it isn’t legitimate. But you can’t look back and second- guess every time you cleaned a sink instead of drawing a flower with your child. Give yourself a break. Give other mothers a break too.

Everything you do with your child, or with anyone in your life for that matter, will sooner or later be the last time. The last time in the snuggle chair. The last time you read a book out loud. The last time they want a good night kiss. That seems to put the focus in the wrong place, though. It focuses on the ending of things. It seems to me that it is better to remember that it was, and when it was, and be thankful both for the happening and the memories of it.

We can’t get so bogged down in the memories of what was, the sadness of what no longer is, that we loose the joy of today. The every day business of life can easily get in the way of taking time to appreciate the people that we are blessed with in our lives. We absolutely must take the time to play that game, give that hug, make that phone call. And then, get the dishes done.

And don’t forget to take a nap.

Peace,

Kat

“Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine,

I’ll taste your strawberries, I’ll drink your sweet wine.

A million tomorrows may all pass away.

But I’ll never forget all the joy that is mine.

Today.”